She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
