Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
