he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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