we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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