Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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