why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
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I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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