I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
