I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
