It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
