drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
