If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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