I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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