At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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