Four minutes until I can fart!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
