eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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