I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
