We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
