did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
