You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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