I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
