I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
