Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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