why didn't you poke me back
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
