I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
