More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
