Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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