Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
