I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Randomize
