and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
