dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
