I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
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I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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