he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
