I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize