i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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