we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
