Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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