First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
