The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.