I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
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I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
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If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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