So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets