he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
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Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.