He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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