do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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