You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
