i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
