My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
