guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
