Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
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When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
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There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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