just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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