Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
