God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
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when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
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"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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