I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
