I'm gonna have a badass scar
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
