I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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