does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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