One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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