It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
