I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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