I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Your cock deserves a montage
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
