Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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