No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
