using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
