I think i peed on brittanys purse
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
