What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
