my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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