You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
