I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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