p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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