I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
