It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
