just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
