I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
