i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
