the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
