Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
