Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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