you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
