She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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