I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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