We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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