why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
