I don't think brook has ever known best
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
